Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A lesson in biology... and chastity

Though I've never had any concrete evidence (until now, that is) I've always thought that Dixie is a bit of a slut.

What's made me think this? Well, there was our neighbor's yellow lab who Adam had to shoot with a BB-gun several times for trying to, ahem... date Dixie. And there was the time that Pedro, a miniature pinscher from across town, camped out in our yard for three full days (and nights), scratching at the front door and peeking through our windows every chance he got, obviously pining for Dixie. Even though neither of those situations were necessarily her fault -- I mean boys will be boys, after all -- I've always gotten the feeling that if she could be naughty and get away with it, she'd totally take the chance.

Now, I'm not going to say "I told you so", but take a look at this. Notice anything odd about this picture? Like maybe the fact that two of these puppies look like they're from an entirely different litter?


Let's take a closer look. This is the head and face of a very typical French bulldog - chubby, round head, pointed ears, squished nose:


And this? Well this is not the head of a typical French bulldog:


Now look at these little brothers...


...compared to these monsters: 


And in case it wasn't apparent in the previous pictures, take a look at the size difference: 


Many people don't know that it's possible for a dog (or any other mammal, including humans) to give birth to babies with different fathers at the same time. When the female releases multiple eggs and mates with more than one male in rapid succession, each egg is fertilized by whatever semen is present. This means that theoretically, a mother dog could have a litter of six puppies with six different fathers... in which case I think her owners should sit her down and have a very serious discussion about morals. 

Fortunately Dixie isn't that much of slut and we only ended up with two fathers... that we know of, anyway. What's most puzzling about all this is that we have no idea when or how or by what kind of dog she was bred. Her "dates" with (most of) the puppies' father were planned and carefully timed, and she was never out of our sight for more than a couple minutes during her entire heat cycle. At any rate they're stinkin' cute, it's just weird. 

Each time I drive through our neighborhood I have my eyes out, searching for a dog that could be the other father. There's a beagle down the street I have my suspicions about, but I'm not really sure how I'd ever have those suspicions confirmed. I don't think Jerry Springer or Maury Povich conduct animal paternity tests on their show, though I don't think it's a horrible idea. In fact, I think it'd be a refreshing change of pace. 


"Spot... you are not the father!"
"Benji... you are not the father!"
"Max... you ARE the father!!!"  

4 comments:

  1. OMG! Jenny, I absolutly love this post! So funny! I think Maury or Jerry could definitely use some new angles! Just imagine Dixie "I know your the father, I was not with the neighbor that day!" Results are in You are not the father, crowd goes wild." I told you i wasnt the father you 2 timing BLEEP!" Dixie puts her head in her paws in shame. Oh crap I just revealed how much I actually watch those shows!

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  2. Oh my hell, I have stitches in my side from this post. Hmm, boys will be boys! Hilarious! Don't you forget it, woman! :). Tell Adam he may need to get out the snips to really warn them dogs taking advantage of sweet Dixie. Brian

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  3. That is hilarious! Darling puppies though, I hope you are doing good!

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