Wednesday, June 22, 2011

How To

HOW TO ANNOY ME:

- Frantically scramble to grab any item within reach at the cash register because your other items rang up to $6.66. Do you really think that packet of Pop Rocks is going to save you from the Devil?

- "You have reached the voice mailbox of 4-3-5  3-4-0  X-X-X-X. At the tone, please record your message. At the end of your message, you may hang up, or press 1 for more options."

- Ask me if I'm tired, but before I even have time to answer say something along the lines of "because you look EXHAUSTED!"

- "Sing" a rap song anywhere within my hearing range.

- Think for one second that you won't make it to my Annoy List just because we're friends/relatives. You should know better.


HOW TO WOO ME:

- Tell me that if everyone in the world were like me, there would be no wars. (Please understand that after making a comment like this you will never be allowed to have a conversation with my husband... or my mom... or any of my coworkers... or, well, anyone who knows me well enough to make you believe I'm anything less than a saint.)

- As I'm opening your new checking account, mention that when you were shopping around for financial institutions the deciding factor was that this one has "hot" tellers. (I can see how some women may find that offensive, creepy even, but I like a little creepy every now and then. Keeps things interesting.)

- Wake me up by bouncing on the bed. Naked. Sucking on a bottle of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. That's Mama's girl.

- Allow me to pre-sort my groceries into groups (frozen foods, produce, boxed and canned items, etc) and then take the time to bag them accordingly. God bless you, woman! So few people know how to bag groceries these days.

2 comments:

  1. ha ha - awesome! i do the grocery thing too!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Loce it! A bottle of 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter'? My son, who eats butter straight from the tub every time I turn my back, would LOVE that. We might need to get these two together...

    ReplyDelete

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