Wednesday, March 2, 2011

CF Mishaps

The following is an email I recently sent, copied word for word and pasted here. I have a feeling that some of you will know exactly what I'm talking about:

I regularly cough until I puke. Usually it's only a tiny bit, and most often nobody but me knows what has just happened. My husband is even clueless most of the time (I guess I'm a discrete puker). When this happens, I'll spit it out if I can, but if that's not a reasonable option, I just swallow it. Now, this isn't something I enjoy -- in fact, I can think of literally hundreds of things I'd rather do than swallow my own upchuck -- but it's something I've gotten used to over the years. I mean, what's a girl to do when she gags and throws up in her mouth in the middle of helping a customer at work?

Recently, I was doing my treatments when I started coughing... A LOT. I knew immediately that this was going to be a cough, gag, puke situation but when I reached for the box of tissues I always have next to me during treatments, I realized there was nothing there. The tissue box was gone. And before I could unhook my VEST in order to get up and find some more tissues, it happened. The vomit came, and it wasn't just a little bit of regurgitation. No, we're talking a shitload of puke, my friend. Much more than could be swallowed. In order to keep it from spewing everywhere, I immediately put both hands up to my face and covered my mouth. This left me hand-less so I couldn't detach myself from the VEST. And then it got worse: I had to cough again.

At this point, my husband walked into the room. He had no idea what was going on, but immediately recognized the look of panic on my face. Okay, so he probably didn't fully understand that it was a HONEY, I JUST BARFED IN MY MOUTH AND I DON'T HAVE ANY TISSUES AND IT'S TOO MUCH TO SWALLOW BUT I CAN'T FREE MYSELF FROM MY VEST AND IF I COUGH AGAIN OR EVEN BREATHE AT THIS POINT I'M GOING TO BLOW CHUNKS ALL OVER kind of look, but I'm pretty sure he got the gist. He began frantically looking for something -- ANYTHING -- for me to spit into, but I was running out of time. I could feel another cough working it's way up and before I could stop myself or even realize what I was doing, I spit into my hands. It filled both hands entirely and started to drip out onto the floor. My husband looked at me, quickly unhooked my VEST tubes, and shouted "RUUUNNNNN!"

And so I ran. I ran like I've never run before. It was like a scene from a movie: dodging furniture and skillfully leaping over baby toys. I don't think I've ever moved with such agility, such grace. I made it into the bathroom and victoriously dumped my vomit into the toilet. And that's when I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror: still wearing my VEST, puke dripping from my hands and a huge, dumb grin on my face. Lets just say it's a very good thing that 1) I'm not a prideful person, and 2) I'm married to a man who can witness his wife vomiting in her own hands, and still find her attractive. That's true love right there.

Thanks for that one, CF.

7 comments:

  1. Once is too often, but this stuff happens far more than I'd like to admit. :-/

    You have a good man, Jen. What's better than that? You know how lucky you are.

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  2. Not gonna lie I giggled just a little bit while reading that. I've been there all to often. My family can almost tell just by the sound of the cough if they need to come rushing with a towel for me now cause I am in the middle of treatments and can't leave. They all kind squrm and get grossed out while I just shrugg it off wash my hands and go right back to what I was doing. Oh what CF does to us girls.

    You do have a pretty amazing man taking care of you though. Pretty Impressive (:

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  3. Laughing so hard I could puke! This has happened to me before--not being able to get out of the vest fast enough...such a helpless feeling when stuff begins to flow between your fingers.

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  4. This cracked me up! I have done this so many times I've lost count. But unlucky for me I never have little enough to just swallow. Except for maybe when I'm driving in the car. its times like those when I'm cursing my tiny baby hands. haha

    Definitely sounds like you have heck of a hubbie. =)

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  5. Okay, so obviously CF coughing doesn't make me puke in my hands, but when I was pregnant with Kyle i was throwing up at least 14 times a day. Evan got very used to it. And that was not even vomit that could be held in my hands. I have a very distinct memory of being 7 months pregnant or so and Evan having a conversation with our friend and I was on my hands and knees in the grass a few feet away vomiting and convulsing. Mind you this was a parking lot with other people around. However, Adam is way better because Evan doesn't do puke. He got better, but frequently he had to leave the room when I started. :)

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  6. O my goodness!!!! Strapped to a vest with all this going on sounds very traumatic!!!

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  7. OMGOSH Jen! This happens to me all the time! So gross, and my husband is so amazing about it to and is always helpful. Of course I've had the no tissue problem, or once the tissue box was empty, so I just let it out in there! Or on my lap before, on my hoses, on a blanket that i usally am covered with! So many times I've lost count too! Love your blog <3

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