HOW TO ANNOY ME:
- Ask me a question from another room and continue repeating it over and over even though you know I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I realize that I do this too, but it's endearing when I do it.
- Act like innocently sitting there on your little doggy bed, wagging your stumpy tail and avoiding making eye contact is going to make me forget it was you who left five piles of shit on the kitchen floor while I was at work.
- Try to convince me that Justin Bieber is a legitimate artist.
- Tell me to "be sure and take good care" of myself just as you are stepping out the door to light up a cigarette.
- Sign up for a reality TV show, then have the audacity to complain about the situations you are being put in. Also, if you use the words "connect" and "on so many levels" in the same sentence again, I'm going to have a stroke.
HOW TO WOO ME:
- Understand that the food on your plate always tastes better than the food on my plate.
- Try to defend your generous use of the word "redunktant", then threaten to "pumble" me when I laugh at you for making up words.
- Stay next to me in bed even though I keep you awake all night by loudly coughing up pieces of my right lung.
- Forgive me for still knowing all the trivial details about the lives of The Babysitters Club members (including the Jr. officers) and for reciting those details to you over dinner.
- Admit that your last counseling session ended with you crying and asking your therapist, "Why won't you just sleep with me?" Glad to hear this whole therapy thing is working out for you.