Sunday, August 15, 2010

How To (hospital edition)

HOW TO ANNOY ME:
- Tell me you need another sputum culture because none of the last three have made it down to the lab yet.
- Ask me to stick my finger in that pulse oximeter when I know darn well you haven't sanitized it yet.
- Wake me up at 4:30 am for a blood draw.
- Wake me up ANYTIME, EVER for a blood draw.
- Have me pee in a plastic hat for two days, then admit that you must have misread my chart because you never needed to collect my urine in the first place.


HOW TO WOO ME:
- Help me wrap my engorged breasts, bring me ice packs for them, and check in on me the next day just to see how my boobs are doing.
- Understand that I NEED a coke like no one has EVER needed a coke in the history of the world.
- Ask if I need some ice cream when I mention how much I miss my baby.
- Remember that I prefer cranberry juice to pink lemonade, apple juice to orange, and that I always, always want milk with my meal, then prepare my food trays accordingly. Way to go, food guy!
- Tell me I'm an "easy" patient and that I remind you of why you chose a career in the medical field.

2 comments:

  1. - Understand that I NEED a coke like no one has EVER needed a coke in the history of the world.

    Girl after my own heart! Except when I'm in the hospital they have pepsi, so its mountain dew all the way. Sometimes I get an awesome nurse who knows how much my life revolves around the morning dew, and she'll bring me a 6 pack at a time. A definite way to woe me as well.


    My favorite "How to annoy me" at the hospital is when they
    A. wake me up to take my blood pressure at 2am then,
    B. Ask me to sit up because it's too low when,
    C. I have written on my chart I only need vitals every 8-12 hours (2 am does not fall in this category) AND my BP is ALWAYS LOW!

    Or another favorite:
    sure go ahead change my trash at 1:30 am, I wasn't sleeping or anything, and by all means go ahead and whistle!

    The food people always seem to rock don't they? They always bring me extra salt packets! Another sure win for my heart.

    Hope your hanging in there and finding ways to try to distract yourself from the boobs from hell and missing the cutie patuttie.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love it! The,"coke craving," is something I can relate to! They for some reason get stronger when I am in the hospital!

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