Shortly before I became pregnant with Morgan, I was dealing with some very difficult emotions. In order to deal with them in a constructive way, I began writing. Expressing those emotions through writing was therapeutic for me, and so I continued writing through my pregnancy. Those early posts eventually became the start of this blog.
When I became serious about this whole blogging thing, I wanted my blog to serve a few purposes:
-I wanted it to continue to be an outlet for me, a place to express myself freely.
-I wanted it be a way to stay in contact with friends and family, post pictures, etc.
-I wanted it to be a place where I could connect with the online CF community.
I had no idea what a strong impact the people I'd "meet" here would have on my life. It's hard to explain the unbreakable ties I feel to these people that I've never actually met, and most likely never will. This CF community has become such a part of me. I read their stories each day, and each day I find myself laughing, crying, and praying right along with them. I admire their strength. I admire their courage. I admire the raw emotion they share.
I have been particularly touched and inspired by a story that I recently began following. It's the story of a beautiful mother named Sarah who is fighting for her son Conner, who has CF as well as Prune Belly Syndrome. It's Conner's seventh birthday today, and because he is in the final stages of his fight, this will most likely be his last birthday. In a recent post, Sarah said some things that spoke to me strongly enough that I felt like I had to share them here. I hope she doesn't mind.
"It just can't be. He's my child....My love. My every breaths fight...."
"I know he's only on loan to me from God...and I count each day as a blessing...but how can this all be happening so fast?"
"Had I known that he was only gonna be here with me for seven short years I would've made them better. I would've been better. I would've done more for him. More smiles, more family memories...but now...it's all moving so swiftly in the other direction that all I have are the undones and the what ifs. Theres not more time for the shoulda and wouldas...and thats devestating."
"Hug your kids for me. Love them. Not just say you love them but truly love THEM. Each and every moment. Life changes in the BLINK of an eye. Gods plans are not our own. And now I'm just wondering where things are going and when...and how much more time I have to make the best of the situation that I can. Thats no way to live. Live each day to the fullest, how cliche but DO IT. Kiss. Love. Hug. Hug some more. Cry. Scream. Dance. Laugh. Play. Make messes. Have arguments. Have pillow fights. Make the most of every single moment. Time here is so short and so precious."
(To send some love, see the entire post, or just to read more about their story, please visit Sarah's blog Not So Bright and Shiny.)
Sarah, and SO MANY others have taught me countless life lessons. They have helped me find my faith again. They have helped me put my trust in God again. They have given me a sense of community that I didn't even know I needed. And like Sarah said, even though I wish I never had reason to be a part of this heartbreaking (but amazing) community, I'm also SO INCREDIBLY grateful for it.
You have become my friends. You have become my family. And for that, I could never thank you enough.