Monday, November 23, 2009

Wherein the sarcasm gets a bit heavy

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. I know that some people strongly disagree (Hi Mom!) but a little bit of sarcasm goes a long way in getting me through each work day, and I'm convinced it's what's kept me sane during this hospital stay. Nothing brings out the sarcasm in me like stupid people, which seem to be in abundance here. Don't get me wrong, they're all very nice. But no amount of nice can replace dumb.

Some of my favorite things I've heard so far are:
"You're only 22? What a short life."
"That cough doesn't sound good. Are you getting sick?"
"You have CF? Have you had it long?"

Please keep in mind these comments are coming from people working ON THE CF FLOOR! Seriously. The whole situation reminds me of every time I see Lady Gaga perform and I feel like grabbing her by the shoulders, violently shaking her and saying "Lady Gaga, PLEASE tell me you are joking! This is ridiculous!" Unfortunately, Lady Gaga and the nursing staff here ARE NOT JOKING.

Although, I will give credit to the few good nurses I've had. The ones who actually know what they are doing and how to work the equipment. The ones who don't ask a single stupid question all day. And that one male nurse in particular who just happened to smell like heaven. I'm very happily married so I won't say that he was attractive, but I will tell you that my heart rate was unexplainably a little high all day. (Hey, I may be married, but I'm also human.)

Something else that's fun...Today when I woke up I noticed a bit of a rash starting on my thighs, right near my bum. By this afternoon it had spread to my arms, chest and stomach. Now it's literally everywhere, including my face. I'm pretty much just one giant, walking, talking, itchy, red hive.

The good news is that I've successfully been weaned off oxygen! When I came in I was on 6 liters, so the fact that I'm no longer dependent on it at all shows that I am indeed making progress. There is finally an end in sight, and I couldn't be happier. Because if one more nurse asks me how to work a CADD pump I'll be very tempted to just pick up my things and start walking home.


  1. "That cough doesn't sound good..." was my favorite. It seems like there should be a number you can call when a nurse's incompetency makes you fear for your life. I don't think I ever got such stupid questions on 2E, but there was the time that the nurse brought me the wrong meds. It was when she got the the Prozac that I started getting suspicious. "These aren't my meds" I told her. She looked at my wrist band and said "I'm in the wrong room!" Luckily one of us was paying attention!

  2. Oh my gosh, I so hear you!!! I got some great comments from that staff as well. One nurse, very concerned, asked if I was seeing a doctor about my cough!!!

    CONGRATS for getting off oxygen. That is impressive! Hooray for not having a dry nose & sore throat anymore! (Well, that's what a nasal cannula does for me, anyway.)


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