Monday, September 28, 2009

I've become one of the crazies

Originally posted May 19, 2009

Pregnancy is a weird thing. Beautiful, sure, but weird as hell.

At this point in my pregnancy, although things are rapidly changing, I’m actually feeling very comfortable in my body. Yeah sure, it’s getting harder and harder for me to get in and out of bed, up and down stairs, etc. And it’s true that I now have to sit in the shower to have any hope of getting my legs shaved and my belly button has recently taken on an identity of it’s own. I looked down at my belly the other day and realized it had an erection. It’s not always there. It depends entirely on what I’m wearing and the position of the baby, but when it pokes out, it really pokes out! I just love it when I’m having a conversation with someone and I notice them trying their hardest not to look at it. Sometimes I feel like saying "It’s okay, just look at it. Do you want me to lift up my shirt so you can see it closer? ‘Cause I totally will. Look, if I bend this way it looks like it’s talking..." But rather than calling them out on it and making them uncomfortable, I usually just start scratching or rubbing my belly so they have a reason to indulge in the fascination and take a peek.

As summer closes in I realize that rather than wearing a cute bikini and doing fun summery things, this year I’ll be wearing something that closely resembles a mu-mu and supervising rather than participating in a lot of activities. In the next few months, if you happen to drive by my house and spot a large inanimate object laying in the middle of the yard, don’t be alarmed, this is NOT a beached whale- it’s just me laying in a kiddie pool full of ice cubes eating popsicles. Which I plan to spend the majority of the summer doing, by the way. But, all joking aside, I actually feel great! I’m not at that point where I feel SO fat that I’m miserable. I actually enjoy my belly bump and am very maternal towards it, always touching and rubbing it. The various aches and pains I have are definitely bearable and it’s not been too hot yet. I’ve recently stumbled upon more energy than I even know what to do with...a pleasant change from the exhaustion that has been plaguing me since December. And I can’t even explain how much I LOVE feeling our baby growing inside of me! So, really, things are good on the physical front.

The part that’s really weirding me out is the emotional and hormonal whirlwind I’m constantly in the middle of. And I figure since Adam is equally responsible for the condition I’m in, I have the right to suck him down with me. When people talk about pregnant women they often mention how crazy and completely irrational pregnancy makes them. Well, I just have to say THEY'RE RIGHT! And I've totally become one of those crazy women! I mean one minute I’m totally happy. Ecstatic, in fact. Then someone can look at me just the wrong way or say something completely innocent that for some reason just annoys the hell out of me and the next thing you know I’m crying.

Also, I suddenly have the uncontrollable urge to clean anything and everything in our entire house. Over the past week or so I’ve become a hermit, locking myself in the house completely cutting myself off from humanity to accomplish the most mundane household tasks. And the crazy thing is that I’M LOVING IT! Things that I used to dread doing now give me such a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. The adrenaline rush I got from organizing my desk drawer, I imagine, was quite similar to the rush an addict gets from snorting a line of cocaine.

And then there are the times that I am literally on the verge of tears ALL DAY LONG. And you’re wondering why? Do you even have to ask that question? Last week it was because McDonalds got my order wrong and I was SO looking forward to that Double Quarter Pounder with cheese and NO ONIONS! A few nights ago it was because even though I only saw it on 30 second advertisements during commercial breaks, you could just tell that house they were building on ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’ was just so damn beautiful and that family was going to love it so much! And just this morning it was because while I was brushing my teeth I dripped the tiniest bit of toothpaste on my shirt. Every attempt I made to wipe it off made the mess substantially worse. The next thing you know I’m standing there with drool and toothpaste all over myself, my shirt, and the sink, crying uncontrollably because in my mind this was the WORST thing that had EVER happened to ANYONE and I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly go on. But then, just as soon as the crying started, it stopped when I realized we still had corn dogs in the freezer.

Yeah... pregnancy is definitely weird.

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